World Travel: Pocket Living - Travelling As A Family

One of the main reasons we gave up our Rat Race lifestyle was to be able to spend quality time together as a family. Often Claude's work schedule didn't permit him to be the hands-on daddy that he hoped to be. I was consumed with the tasks of running the household, raising a toddler and trying to get my own yoga career up and moving again. And as a couple we struggled to have 'us' time. The balance was not optimal in our eyes, especially for what we believe nurtures a child or healthy adult relationship.

In our minds there was no better way to bring us closer to our goal of creating an electrifying family dynamic that nourished us all on so many levels than selling-up and globetrotting as a family unit. I'll be the first to raise my hand and admit that I had fairytale ideas about what adventuring would be like as family. I visualised gratifying smiles as we culturally immersed ourselves, lots of spousal cuddles, a happy contented child that had not only one parent, but two at his disposal and lots of hearts and rainbows in there somewhere, too.

I did paint a very romantic picture in my head and still believe that snapshot is obtainable, but I was not prepared for how travelling with a family can mean living in each other's pockets 24/7. Nor did I realise how pocket living can intensify and magnify any and all niggly feelings, emotions, attitudes and moods. Living in such close quarters (often just a small and basic hostel room) can give life to agitation and irritation. Of course, because of our closeness, if one person is feeling sour it can quickly spread like a contagious disease, contaminating an entire day.

In our experience, if the little person in our life is in a petulant mood then our family toxicity level is elevated sometimes to heights that cannot be lowered until we have all had a good night's sleep. I'm not sure how or why the smallest member (to date) can have such an impact on Claude and me. We have discussed this many times and each feel baffled. The only conclusion we can draw is that in those moments the stress just bounces from one person to the other without discrimination or final destination.

It is in that instant or on those days when it can be easy to fall into the parental pits. Due to this style of travel, parental intensity is super high. Just as Zenchai has no escape from us, we have no reprieve from him. This in itself can make our parenting lose a bit of joy. We all feel stuck.

Then there are the new environments that we all have to become adjusted to, which can cause boundary uncertainty. So sometimes when a quick resolution is needed - and to not appear negligent - we at times feel pressure. This leads to us falling into the dreaded 'no', 'don't', 'stop' routine, which none of us benefit from. After an episode of that, guilt sets in about how I could have been a better mama in that moment.

There are also days when we fall into the role of being Zenchai's only playmate, whether it is because we are in a situation where there are no other children about or he is too painfully shy to approach other children. This can be exhausting, not only due to his larger-than-life energy levels, but also most adult minds can only drive cars, pretend to be a car, draw cars or play car games for so long before feeling bored or mind-numbed.

However, there have also been spousal pits, too. In 'normal' everyday life most people don't experience their spouses in as intimate a way as when you are wandering about from country to country - always together. You end up seeing every nook and cranny of your partner 's character and sometimes noticing aggravating things that you had not before. Basically, you witness every stinky fart of that person's being (not literally). This hardly leaves space or want for anything lovey-dovey or gooey.

That aside, there is just the sheer stress that we have felt with being in the space of continual planning and research, especially if we have differing opinions or are too tired to even voice one. Sometimes a rift comes about over indecision, too, which can then be worsened by one or the other being unhappy with the choice that was made. A no-win situation.

It is through this year of pocket living that we have all learned lessons and grown. I wouldn't change our decision to travel, but knowing what I know now, I feel equipped to make better travel decisions. We have both agreed that our style of travel needs to change to accommodate this familial imbalance that we sometimes feel.

In the year ahead it is our intention to stay longer in our destinations without so much bouncing around. Seeing less is a better sacrifice if it means a more contented family life. Also we intend to only go to places where we know we can involve Zenchai in some in/formal child group setting.

Until we are in a place where we have more support as a family, Claude and I have decided that the divide and conquer method with Zenchai is most nourishing. Zenchai's behaviour is often more agreeable when he has the sole attention of one parent. When we can, Claude and I will take turns taking Zenchai out on exploratory days, giving the other a chance to have some breathing space.

As far as the spousal pits go it is just a matter of mindset. My personal resolution is to focus more on what I appreciate and love about Claude, which is a pretty simple thing to do given who he is.

Here's to a New Year and changing the things we have complete control over.

PS. By the way, in no way has every day of travelling been a nightmare. We have had more laughter, smiles and fun than times of ill-temperament, but sometimes it is worth mentioning the tough stuff, so everyone knows we are all still human and learning, too.

Comments

[Bill M]

Wisely and courageously said. All life is a journey, and while a stationary journey has its trials, too, it doesn't offer the variety and opportunities for self- and other-acquaintance that a moving one does. May your fine times become even finer.

[The Travel Creatives]

Great to hear you bring up all those important points along with your solutions. I agree with you about spending more time in one place! In Vilcabamba we sometime spent days at a time milling about the house. I felt like we hardly saw Ecuador. But our time was definitely more relaxing. I love your idea of one parent taking the kiddo out so the other parent can rest (or blog!). Best of luck to your future travels and wishing you a smooth pregnancy and delivery!
By the way, I've tried to leave numerous comments but my ipad does not seem to cooperate with your site! I enjoy keeping up with your travels. Ciao!

[Jamie]

Thanks Bill!

Good to see your vibe on here Irene! We are enjoying keeping up with your ever evolving travel plans too! Can't wait to see how it unfolds for you.