AFTER nearly two months in school, Zenchai is beginning to settle. He is being accepted more by the local children. He is growing in confidence. Just recently, I heard for the first time Zenchai exchanging words with another child in Portuguese.
There are signs he is picking up the language. I know he wants to (he talks about it frequently). He knows it will open doors for him. We practice phrases here and there and words we think will be important for him. He is still at the stage of absorbing vocabulary and then, so I am told, he will begin to speak.
I’m excited for him about that possibility. He still tries talking to the other children in English and they reply in Portuguese. Sometimes they tell him to not speak English and then Zenchai runs around chanting “No more English, no more English!” But it’s always amazing to see children communicate with each other even if they don’t share the same language.
Getting Zenchai to school is no longer such a great chore. He has stopped complaining. In fact, on some days he talks with enthusiasm about going. Just the other day he asked us to make sure he arrives on time.
We still try not to mention school until after he has fully woken up and had his (pancake) breakfast, just in case he is having a sensitive day. And we’ve found with this approach that he marches off to the school without much fuss.
Once there, though, I still sit with him for a few minutes until he is fully comfortable. And then, only when I sense he is fine, I let him know I am going and that I will collect him. He usually just says ‘goodbye’ or ‘see you later’.
Slowly, he’s volunteering more information about what he gets up to at school. We give him space and don’t pressure him to reveal anything unless he chooses. This is a crucial time, emotionally and spiritually, in his life – not just because of attending school for the first time and not knowing the native language, but also because we have another child on the way.
Zenchai, two months short of turning five, has started asking more questions about the impending arrival of his sibling, as though he’s seeking reassurances. We have noticed how much more Zenchai now plays for our attention and from other people he knows well.
He’s been transformed from the kid who would (when we were in big cities) bark at any stranger who tried to be friendly to the child who walks around the village shouting ‘Good morning’ and ‘Hello’ to those he recognises (and he knows nearly everyone here by name).
The teachers recognise what he is going through. I’ve found them to be very attentive and perceptive. They cared enough to invite Jamie and I to a meeting recently to discuss the changes going on within Zenchai, so that we could all together best provide him with the support and love he requires.
It’s been a wonderful place so far for being with children and I hope I still feel that way when the new baby is born and at the end of June, when we are scheduled to leave. There are children here of all ages. What Piracanga offers them is lots of freedom and security to play. It's also been excellent in so far as providing Zenchai with positive adult male role models besides myself (at least I hope I am positive). Many of the men here have happily taken Zenchai under their wing.
But it's been Zenchai's need for playing with other children that led us here. Just a few days ago in the late-afternoon I was playing beach volleyball for over an hour, while Jamie was home preparing dinner. I asked Zenchai before I left to play if he was okay with walking back home by himself and he said he was.
Whilst playing, though, I heard his excited voice and noticed him, completely naked, running around and climbing trees with some of the other village children. I left him to it. He kept going until it was dark.
Granting Zenchai that much freedom without concern has been a challenge. I’m learning more how to let go when necessary, to allow Zenchai to gain independence and confidence, while always being attentive for when he requires my love and security.
The free-schooling system requires adults to have great faith and trust in their young ones, to believe in their children's intuition and instincts and to let them grow and develop at a speed which feels comfortable and natural.
One morning I said goodbye to Zenchai at school and he was in the workshop area with another boy banging nails with a hammer into wood! (He is pictured above with what he called his surfboard).
The school is certainly becoming more fun for him. On Tuesdays the children start the day playing by the river. He takes part in food preparation classes each Wednesday and the teachers have been good enough to adapt all their recipes so they are vegan.
On Thursdays the older kids (aged seven and above) have surfing lessons. It’s all quite unconventional compared to the experience I had.
It’s so tempting to intervene (and be too controlling) in the lives of our young ones as they grow and discover. But for Zenchai to evolve fully, I try my best to resist – unless it’s to remind him of the boundaries we have pre-agreed or protect him from serious danger.
Mostly when I notice myself becoming anxious, however, I recognise that the need for intervention has more to do with concerns regarding myself (ie how the situation makes me look as a parent) than the well-being of my child or those around him.
what a lovely story and I am really pleased to hear he is finally realising that company of other children is a good thing and a happy one.
Posted by: Neda | 24 March 2011 at 03:18 PM