AS we prepare to embark on the next stage of our travel – in January to Brazil – we hope Zenchai’s needs are going to be more fully supported.
We shall be on Brazil’s Bahia coast for five months and, of course, in April he is going to have a sibling, which is likely to throw a whole new set of issues into our family dynamic.
Not that Zenchai has been miserable by any standards. He has adapted incredibly well for someone who this year has visited 15 countries by aeroplane, car or boat, stayed in 42 destinations and had 54 changes of accommodation.
Whenever I look at our family photos, his beaming face reassures me that our journey has been worthwhile and nourishing.
At first, though, each change of location was met with behavioural issues. And on several occasions moving has caused him some sadness – in particular when we left Kukljica in Croatia and my uncle’s in Santeny, near Paris, during the summer.
Zenchai often talks fondly and excitedly about his experiences, though. He remembers the finer details, too. We talk about it often. We look through pictures and discuss the people he’s met and places we’ve visited along the way.
Has the travel been better or worse for him? That’s not a question I can answer, partly because all children are so unique and it’s much too early to tell how this will impact on him, positively or negatively. What benefits one child may hinder another. And don't our experiences, whether 'good' or 'bad', shape and make us? Often it's the hardship - and overcoming it - that builds character, although I should emphasize that we aren't seeking hardship.
Zenchai has grown in a different way by travelling than he would have had we stayed put in our old home outside of London. He doesn’t have the stability of a house and his own play room, but, whether we’re in a hotel, hostel, apartment or someone’s home, knows his parents will be there for him night and day.
Since leaving the UK, Zenchai has also spent nearly every day outdoors. He gets much more exercise than he used to. He complained about the walking at first, but now does 5km in hot conditions almost routinely (and he’s not especially fond of the heat). Just the other week we went on a hike over large rocks and through caves and he really loved the adventure. But there are moments, too, when he protests incessantly.
For sure, there have been moments when Jamie and I have asked ourselves, ‘Have we done the right thing?’ But those thoughts, I reckon, are only natural in moments of uncertainty.
What I’d add is that similar doubts often used to cross my mind when I was working in London and the idea of continuing to break my back for a big corporation and the possibility of not seeing the world was eating away at me.
As a family, we have become much closer. We’ve come to recognise each other’s faults and strong points because we see and deal with them (often) every day. But we also have more niggling and testing moments: as a threesome often in places where we have no outside support, there is little respite. That can prove demanding.
We have now learned more to create individual time for each other and this involves making sacrifices. It’s essential when travelling in this way. Initially, we used to do everything together. It’s more fun. No-one wants to miss out on anything. But now I reckon it’s much better to occasionally split the childcare duties and give each other a breather.
During September, when in West Palm Beach, Florida, I had three weeks when it was mostly just Zenchai and I.
To be honest, I was apprehensive beforehand about the prospect. I had never previously had to take care of him all day every day for more than a few days. The idea of doing it 24/7 seemed daunting. Zenchai and Jamie had also never been apart for long.
Though we butted heads several times – actually many if I’m honest – it was great fun. We did things together and made space for each other as well. We shared meal times and talked a lot (I probably did more listening). I got to learn all about trucks, too, because bed-time stories each day involved reading and looking at the adverts in a free trucking mag we’d picked up from a service station!
One of the main reasons for leaving my work, though, was to dedicate more time to Zenchai – to be there while he was growing up. It means a lot to me that Zenchai feels a part of a family and that Jamie and I are around as much as possible during his most formative years.
I don’t think he fully appreciates that now. Because he’s not in a school system, Zenchai doesn’t know it to be any different. This, for him, is normal. I’m fascinated to see what he will be like as a big brother and how we change as a family when we become a foursome.
That’s just one challenge that awaits us in 2011. I am certain there will be many more. But I prefer not to look too far into the future because the course of life can change in an instant. It also takes your eyes off the present moment, which is so precious. That’s something I’m still working on.
Having had most of this year mapped out from the beginning, it was always tempting when in a place we weren’t particularly enjoying to think about a destination ahead that we were savouring. I learned, though, that it also takes time to adapt to your surroundings and circumstances. What feels awkward and undesirable at first can, in time, feel the opposite – if you give it a chance and are open to the possibility.
For instance, when we first arrived in Vilcabamba, Ecuador (with great expectations), we looked at each other and thought, ‘Let’s get out of here’. But five weeks later we moved on, somewhat reluctantly.
The year was, for me, the beginning of a massive shift in lifestyle. I knew it would take time to unwind from having worked in a big city for over 20 years doing the same thing – and it has.
I said to myself at the start of the year that I wouldn’t work for the first 12 months and for much of the time I have been too absorbed in parenting and family life to think of anything else.
But I’ve found that I now regularly crave sinking my teeth into a project of some description and that is something I hope to act upon next year. It doesn’t mean I want out from the life I am leading. I just have a desire to add to it with something that gives me a sense of purpose and fulfilment in addition to and beyond sharing days and experiences with my wife and son.
I’m still adapting (which makes me wonder how people are supposed to recharge with just a two or three-week vacation) and getting the hang of travelling with a family. Maybe next year I’ll get to grips with it!
The same applies to languages. I haven’t progressed as much as I had hoped. My Spanish is still basic. My Croatian, though, improved. However, I feel more confident with languages (even Spanish) even if I’m not significantly more proficient.
I’m less concerned about not making any sense and follow the ethos of my best friend Bob Lesson, who just throws what words he knows together and somehow makes himself understood. Nowadays I’ll just have a try. This year I’m going to make a committed effort at Brazilian Portugese.
None of this matters, though, if you haven’t got your health and, physically, I still feel youthful except when Zenchai asks me to play a game with him that involves crawling on hands and knees for a sustained period. I get plenty of exercise and sunshine, though. We eat lots of fruits and vegetables – as much locally-grown and organic as possible. We’ve avoided fast food at all costs, even though it would have been infinitely cheaper.
Family life provides many joys, but also most of my anguish. It’s also always in the back of my mind that our travelling money will one day run dry and that I/we must discover a way of generating some income.
I’m still persevering at being a good father and husband and meeting the challenges of family life the way I aspire to. We are also pondering different career possibilities and, with a baby coming, what to do and where to go after we stop back in England from Brazil next July.
Travelling, however, continually throws me opportunities to better myself and succeed where before I have failed, often miserably. It’s a fantastic way – especially when moving slowly – to see and feel the world and meet new people.
I don’t foresee us travelling indefinitely, but haven’t yet discovered a place where I’d like to make roots. In a way that’s positive, because I still have destinations I would like to visit first, like India, Thailand, Japan, China, Australia and New Zealand.
Perhaps that will come next.
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