I CAN see now why the final seven days are described as the ‘Mental Week’ more so than ‘The Resurrection’.
The 19th day was testing for me in so far as my mind began to lose focus and I started looking ahead to the finish with it being so near.
Only on this day did I lose my sense of being centred, though. On the whole, the last week was a coming together of all the elements I had experienced.
The ‘process’ had given me a clearer definition of my sense of happiness and fulfillment, the experience of being in a deeper and prolonged state of stillness and of living in the moment, without wanting or needing.
I didn’t realise how much pleasure could be had from doing so little and simply enjoying whatever experience came along.
When silence and emptiness becomes uncomfortable often the impulse is to get busy. Mine was to remain quiet and still.
There was something therapeutic about observing and being with nature, especially surrounded by forest. I was certainly very alert and switched on. All my senses seemed to be operating on what felt like a higher frequency. Often I couldn’t sleep as my mind was so active.
I noticed I had become gentler and kinder to myself. I felt mentally very strong, as if the whole experience had expanded my mind, nourished my soul and lifted my spirits.
The final two days were stormy (lashing rain and then a fierce, chilly wind) but inside I maintained calmness. I stayed in the tent mostly, warm under my blankets. What a contrast, I thought, to how I’d felt not too long ago in Piracanga, where outside it was sunny and gloriously beautiful, but in my head space the clouds were gloomy.
It confirmed to me that any situation or place is only as happy or beautiful as the thoughts you have about it. Even mosquitos buzzing around my head!
Everything is a projection of our thoughts. The mosquitos eventually became my playmates. I’d sit in my hammock, they’d try to make me their acupuncture cushion and I’d attempt to clap them. Not very Zen-like, I admit – only if you do it with anger. But I noticed my sight, timing and speed of hand improving quickly. I observed the different types of mosquito, how they moved and their patterns. I got to know them well.
Little could dampen my spirits, it seemed. I really started to comprehend more fully author Byron Katie when she says ¨Everything is perfect as it is.” The more you accept, the more perfect you see the world for what it is. So I looked to the present moment, which is where life is really happening – always!
I realized I had been fighting reality every time I opposed my circumstances and the result of this was stress. Now I try to graciously accept where I am and what is taking place.
I recognize for me that happiness and healthfulness come when there is an absence of stress (the worrying, conflict type). I’d had 21 largely stress-free days and that in itself made this experience worthwhile. I accepted that my happiness is solely MY responsibility.
The sense of feeling ‘lost’ no longer resides in me. I don’t feel at all directionless even though beyond England for Christmas I haven’t a fixed destination for where I will be. But tomorrow I might. Or the day after. I trust in myself and life. As scientist Alan Kay once said, "The best way to predict the future is to invent it."
I’m happy to be in Piracanga, London or wherever. And now when I think of the last two years travelling with my family, I see it as the best time of my life.
However, while the ‘process’ was for me powerful on so many levels, physically, it was very weakening. I was not even close to the level of fitness at the end as when I started.
I did my best to accelerate my physical revival by working out daily, doing push-ups, chin-ups and squats. I swam, practiced yoga and walked. I was always mindful not to do too much. My routines were short, but intense.
I got progressively stronger, but my body was thin and often drained. I felt less thirsty than in the second week and drank less. Hunger was never a factor. I didn’t think of food. The fresh juices were more concentrated, perhaps explaining why I consumed less. But on some days I woke up having had nothing for what must have been 14 hours or more and felt fine. I now know I won’t ever starve.
I liked that I was able to enjoy living in a natural bodily rhythm. I didn’t drink because ít was time’. I realize how much my desires to eat and drink are mental rather than physical.
However, I have no desires to stop eating even though I feel sure that I could – at least in the short-term – and that drinking juices never gave me that heavy feeling you get when eating too much and the digestive system is overloaded.
I enjoy food – the preparing and sharing, the taste, smells and social interaction around it. I will seek to find a healthy balance. I realise the wrong foods can make you sick, too much food can leave you tired and not enough makes you weak.
Living on juices only, I peed more than ever in my life. This made sleeping problematic as on average I would be up five times every night. Often, though, I’d sleep in the mornings, by when my bladder was empty, and towards the end of the week my dreams became clearer and more vivid. Although I didn’t sleep well, I felt rested.
The ‘process’ felt like a long and short experience at the same time. It’s hard to explain fully, but I am sure we have all had that sensation. I came to really enjoy sitting in the forest house for hours in my hammock cross-legged. I never picked up a book or, surprisingly for me, tried to do any drawing. I spent time just watching.
This was a transformative journey I can’t imagine I will ever forget. I hope – and trust – it lives on in me. Little would I know how much the day after I finished my resolve would be thoroughly tested. More on that in a blog to follow.
I owe special thanks to my beautiful wife, Jamie, who not only lovingly takes care of my family, but supports me, shares my visions, gives me the freedom to be myself and opportunities to explore my potential. I love you.
Thank you, too, to Silvia, who supported me, welcomed me to her home and on to her land and provided me with the gift of this chance to grow, evolve and understand myself and humankind more fully.
*Anyone interested in doing the ‘process’with Silvia can contact her by email - portalsilvia@yahoo.com.br - to discuss it further. She speaks Portuguese, English, French and Spanish.
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